BNB is back

Yesterday, J. mentioned to me his disappointment that I had not been better at keeping BNB active while maintaining a very active "rabbi blog." He didn't press the issue, but I got the message. Since I am having one of my excessively early, "why am I awake" mornings, I thought I'd finish up a few drafts from the blog and make a vow to get back on track with BNB.

BNB news...

• J. and I just bought our first house, a condo a bit further down on the Peninsula. We are nervous, excited, and buried deeply amid boxes. We are down-sizing our possessions quite a bit, as the new place is only 1000 sq. ft.
  
• I have started writing again for myjewishlearning.com. I have the featured lead article (and a related one) on the homepage for this week, that of July 13, 2008. It even has a little illustration. The part I'm most excited about is that I proposed the articles myself, and the editor thinks the topic (religious diversity in Jewish families) is as important as I do.
• My teaching this year has been fabulous. Really. I love my fellow teachers and director. I love my students (as always). And I love being able to have sufficient time to prepare as I like. Plus, my teaching blog (Rabbi Rochel's RealLife) has taken off big time. It even has a fan in France!
  
• In the past year, I travelled to: Fiji; Auckland, New Zealand; Victoria and Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada; Sacramento; Las Vegas; Salt Lake City; Boston; New York City; and Baltimore. Not to mention the usual trips to LA. J. and I are about to head out to Israel (to meet another new niece) and Turkey.
• I saw an incredible film A Jihad for Love, about gay and lesbian people from Islamic countries, working hard to maintain their dignity and their dedication to Islamic practice.
• All my wedding research of the past couple years is being put to good use by friends B. and S., who are getting married next year. In particular, B. (for whom I will be matron of honor) shares my love of Bridal Bargains, especially the clear way it breaks down how bridal salons, caterers, locations, and other vendors break up their bills and sometimes add on excessive fees.
  

BNB Obsessions, Occupations, and Preoccupations...

• J. is whipping me into good fiscal habits. I produce a monthly expense and income report for him, and he tracks our budget. And takes care of the taxes. Thank God for that!
• I sometimes sound like an evangelist for marriage. I am even more convinced that human beings flourish in the security and intimacy of committed, formalized monogamy and will continue to advocate for marital rights for my gay and lesbian friends.
  
• I'm seriously thinking about writing a book proposal this fall.
• I am researching organization strategies, including built-ins, that enhance small-space living. We have two poorly-organized bedroom closets that will need some early work, as well as a plan to build in a wall-unit with bins for toys and Judaica, bookshelves, TV and media storage. We are contemplating putting a washer and dryer into a hall closet and buying a new refrigerator that is bigger, better, and Energy-star rated in the next few years. And I am fantasizing a teeny bit about convincing the HOA that we should all go solar, at least for our water heaters. (Yes, I know it is a dream.)
  
• I have been knitting up a storm, which motivated me to join Ravelry. Recently, I have caved in to the pressure and joined the ranks of happy sock knitters. And I've chosen a pattern to try again knitting myself a sweater.
  
• I love Google Docs. Between it and Google Calendar, J. and I are SO coordinated and organized in our planning. Plus, I've started using Google Docs for work, including interactive progress charts for students.
• I have committed to finishing our thank you notes from the wedding in the next week. We figure, if we can get the last few out before our year anniversary (August 5), we'll be OK. Whatever the manners-mavens say.

BNB To Do List...

1. Discuss more fully how I resolved my issues with the non-egalitarianism of the traditional ketubbah and Jewish wedding ceremony.
2. Reflect on the decision to buy a home.
3. Confess the ticking of my biological clock and my frequent desire to hold a baby.
   
4. Bemoan the delay in the completion of Battlestar Galactica due to the writers' strike.
5. Justify my love for watching television when I know I have something better to do.
   
6. And most of all.... WRITE MORE OFTEN!
   

In Sickness and in Health

Okay, so J. and I didn't take the standard American, Christian vows... but less than two months into marriage, and we have already had more than one test of the "sickness" part of partnership. As Joshua is taking care of me today--getting groceries, doing dishes, calling attentively to check on me--I figured I should reflect on this a bit.

As a few of you already know, J. was in the hospital less than two weeks after we got married. Six days after the wedding, he started having neck pain. The next day, Sunday, he had neck pain so bad that he couldn't turn his neck at all. On Monday, J. woke up with a fever. At this point, the Bride insists on his seeing a doctor. Fever plus neck or head pain of that severity equals potential meningitis. For the next few days, we went to multiple doctors for multiple imaging procedures and blood tests.

That Thursday, J. got a phone call from the doctors telling him that his blood culture was forming as-yet-unidentified bacteria and he needed to go to the hospital immediately. So, a quick packing of a bag, and we were off to Stanford Hospital, where J. got the best of care and a lumbar puncture to rule out the meningitis. We were there for just over a day. The bacteria turned out to be an unusual strain of salmonella para typhi which manifested as blood poisoning before showing gastrointestinal symptoms. A day of massive antibiotics took out the salmonella very quickly, but the lumbar puncture left him with an absolutely horrific headache that ended up lasting for 8 or 9 days, and was worse any time he was even slightly upright. (After that, he was fine.)

And--oh, yeah--this all happened just days before we were to leave on our honeymoon. He got home from the hospital on Friday, and we left on Monday for Fiji and New Zealand.

For J., it was a massively stressful, scary, and painful experience; for me, it was massively stressful, scary, and exhausting. It did, however, leave us feeling very close to one another, to review our priorities, and appreciate the wonder of marriage. J. was very glad that he had me to take care of him at home and advocate for him at the hospital. I literally mopped his sweaty brow. For my part, I gained first-person insight into the weighty responsibility of being responsible for another person's health and well-being. The idea that I was now responsible for emergency decisions and even had Joshua deferring to my opinions on his non-urgent hospital care was clearer than ever. And both of us spent a lot of time contemplating how singles living far from their parents--particularly single men, who are less likely to have networks of friends who are willing and able to make the necessary sacrifices of time and energy--ever cope with being REALLY sick.